Friday, May 12, 2006
I'm Barely There
From the outside, I've successfully projected that I've moved on...but it is a constant struggle day in and out. There are times I feel pathetic about my life. I am almost giving up because I'm simply broken-hearted. I can't fix it. I can't mend this.
My prayer each night is for God to allow me to wake up one morning with a fresh new heart. I'm barely there...barely.
"We all have a journey and a story that is uniquely ours, but the common thread seems to be that in each of our lives someone loved God enough to take a chance at loving us, and it was through that act that I began to imagine the height and depth and breadth of the love of God. The Jesus who was alive in my friend helped me find the Jesus in me. Can there be a higher call? Tithing? Great. Worship? Fantastic. Service? Important. But to love another person the way God loves me? That's what it means to be the church."
Do you ever get impatient with God? Do you feel like you have been waiting on God to complete something in your life that you have waited patiently for quite some time, something you know in your soul that you are called to do?
I am in a place that I have waited and prepared for several years to do something that I feel completely called to do. It is one of those things that I just know in my soul that is going to happen but the timing is just not quite right. I feel like I am standing on the brink of what God has been preparing me for over the past 20 years.Lately I have started to wonder, "when God, when?"My spiritual director told me last week, "when its time."
Yesterday God opened my eyes to something. Something simple, yet profound.I was walking my dog past a new home construction site. For the past few months each morning I walk by the site only to see concrete and a few beams. I noticed that the builders seemed to be taking their sweet time. But yesterday as I passed the house was nearly complete! The thoughts raced through my head, "Wow, they built that house really fast!"Then it hit me.They spent three months laying the foundation and one week assembling the structure around or on the foundation.The key part is the foundation. Without a proper foundation what the builders intend cannot exist. Attempting to rush the process only potentially hinders the longevity of the structure.
The builders knew to take the appropriate time to lay the proper foundation because they wanted to do it right.I need to trust that I am in God’s grand plan, but God is taking the time to lay the proper foundation in my life so that what God intends to build will endure. Once the foundation is built, it is amazing house fast God can build the structure on or around the foundation.Trust that God is laying the groundwork in your life. Having this realization, I wouldn’t want it any other way.
If you are wondering, "when God, when?"
Trust that God is in the building process, he’s just laying the proper foundation. For all you know, God may intend to build a skyscraper with your life. Do you want to touch the sky?"Delight yourself in God and God will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to him and God will bring it to pass." Psalm 37:4
